First Words Spoken
by leiaweasley
Summary: Charlie is being haunted by his childhood fear,taking the shape of his insecurities. He wants more than anything to be a bigger part of Claire and Aaron's life, but he knows that's impossible,until Aaron has a first word in things.


**First Words Spoken**

**Chapter 1**

Unlike his previous dreams, Charlie could tell right away that he was dreaming because standing on the beach was a clown.

Ever since Charlie was little he had had a fear of clowns.

This clown, dressed in full uniform -- red wig, white face paint, red nose, and green polka dotted jumpsuit -- started walking towards him. Charlie began to run down the beach, not knowing what else to do. He tripped over a stick and fell to the ground, but when he tried to stand up again, he couldn't. The clown kept getting closer and closer till finally it was standing above him. Charlie sat on the hot sand shaking. But the clown didn't move. It just kept staring at him with its creepy smile.

Suddenly the clown turned into his brother Liam. "Always scared of the clowns, aren't you, baby brother?"

Then Claire randomly walked out of the jungle and grabbed Liam's hand. Charlie felt a stab of jealousy at this. But, it was nothing like the pain he felt when Claire tenderly touched Liam's face and kissed him.

After the kiss was broken Liam turned to Charlie.

"You don't deserve her, Charlie-boy."

Claire disappeared and Liam then turned into Aaron. He was lying on the sand crying. Charlie finally was able to move, and ran towards Aaron and picked him up. Claire reappeared and grabbed Aaron from Charlie's arms. "I'm his mother, Charlie."

Charlie was woken by the sound of Aaron's cries. Charlie immediately ran over to Aaron's crib. He was still a little weary to pick him up after the dream he just had, but after looking over at Claire and seeing she had not woke up yet, decided to pick him up.

"You're having nightmares about clowns too, little mate?" Charlie asked, gently rocking Aaron. Aaron's only response was a quiet gurgle.

Charlie started to hum a lullaby his mum had sung to him when he was a little lad. "Come stop your crying it will be all right, just take my hand hold it tight. I will protect you from all around you. I will be here, don't you cry." Aaron started to settle down a little bit more, but didn't look any closer to sleep.

Aaron continued to make small noises that almost sounded like words, which he had been doing for a few weeks now. "Come on, Aaron. You have to go back to bed. If you keep talking you'll wake your mum."

Charlie walked away from Claire's tent still trying to get Aaron to go to sleep. "You better not be cranky for your Mum tomorrow. She's got a lot to deal with already. You know I care about your mum. If you're cranky tomorrow, then she's probably going to take it out on me, and we don't really want that to happen now would we?"

Again Aaron's only response was a soft coo.

"You don't really say a lot, do you, mate?"

Aaron's response to this question was something that made Charlie's heart stop.

Charlie distinctly heard Aaron say the word _dada_.

He was stunned. "Did…you just say what I think you said?"

But Aaron only stared at Charlie.

All the talking must have woken Claire up because she began to sit up. "What did you just say Charlie?" she asked sleepily.

"Uh..uh..nothing, Claire. I was just talking to Aaron. He woke up. You can go back to bed."

"No, it's okay, Charlie. You've been taking care of him a lot lately and haven't been sleeping well. I'll take him."

Charlie nodded and gave the child back to his mother. Claire was right. He hadn't been sleeping well lately. His childhood fear, clowns, kept reappearing in his dreams lately, coupled with his insecurities about Claire and Aaron. But after hearing Aaron call him daddy, he didn't think he could ever fall back asleep. He knew he had to tell Claire, but he also knew that she would probably be angry at him for spending too much time with Aaron.

But he decided to tell her anyways; keeping secrets had never been good for their, or any, relationship.

"So..uh Claire. Right before you woke up..Aaron..uh.."

"He what, Charlie?"

"He uh…said something.."

"Oh, he did?" Claire said sadly. "Well, that's great, Charlie. What did he say?"

After seeing the look on Claire's face after she learned she had missed her son's first word, he did not want to tell her what exactly Aaron had said. But he knew he had to, even though it would make her even unhappier.

"He called me..dada," Charlie said quietly. He didn't look at Claire, not wanting to see her reaction.

"Oh..well that's great, Charlie."

Charlie finally found the courage to look up at Claire. Now she seemed to be the one looking down, and Charlie could tell she had tears in her eyes. He knew they were tears of sadness.

"Well Aaron and I are going for a walk…see you later Charlie."

_Bugger_, Charlie thought to himself. _All I wanted was a more open relationship, and now I fucked things up. Liam was right. I really don't deserve her. _

**Chapter 2**

Claire avoided Charlie the rest of the day. She knew she really shouldn't be upset with him; it really wasn't his fault that Aaron called him daddy. And she knew Charlie well enough to know that he told her because he was trying to be honest with her about everything.

--But she _could_ be mad at him for spending so much time with Aaron. It was nice to not have to take care of him all the time, but Charlie wasn't his father, as much as Claire wished he were. If Charlie were his father, then they really wouldn't have this problem.

Claire sat down on the beach with a sigh. Locke, who was nearby, making something out of wood, looked up as Claire sat down.

"Is something wrong, Claire?" Locke asked kindly.

Claire normally didn't talk about her problems with other people, but today she wanted to make sure she wasn't wrong for feeling the way she did.

"It's just that…today Aaron said his first word." Claire could feel the tears coming to her eyes again.

"Well that's great! You shouldn't be upset about that," Locke said with a smile.

"Well, yeah it's great that he said his first word, but it's just what his first word was…"

Locke looked intently at her, as if telling her to continue.

"He called Charlie…" Claire couldn't finish the sentence, but she didn't need to. She could see the realization dawn on Locke's face.

"I know I shouldn't be so upset, because Charlie is like ….a father… to Aaron. But I AM his mother!"

Claire finally broke down. Locke patted Claire's arm sympathetically. "You have every right to be upset, Claire. But, it's not Charlie's fault. He cares about you and Aaron and only wants to help you."

"I know! I know! Don't you think I know that?"

Locke only nodded slowly. Claire continued to rant. "I just love Aaron so much, and you know what? I can handle him by myself from now on. I don't need Charlie." It pained Claire to say this, but she hated him right now and pushed her feelings for him aside.

Locke only nodded again. "If that's what you want."

"It is. You know what? I'm going to tell Charlie that right now." Claire stood up with her child and walked away towards their camp.

Claire found Charlie in his -- _well, really their _-- tent, playing his guitar.

"Charlie. I want you to move out and please don't help me with Aaron again. I'm his mother and am perfectly capable to take care of my son on my own."

Claire saw Charlie's face fall.

"I understand."

Charlie put his guitar down and began packing up his things . . . then suddenly stopped. He started at his shoes for a few seconds then looked Claire straight in the eye.

"But, Claire I thought we were finally past all this! It's not like I taught Aaron to say that! I only help you with Aaron because….well…I….love you, Claire."

**Chapter 3**

_Bollocks. We've been on this island for months now. And you pick NOW to tell her? Great going there, Pace. _

An awkward silence hung between them.

"Well I just thought I should tell you…. I guess I'll leave then."

Charlie was hoping that Claire would stop him, but she didn't.

He felt even worse then he did when Claire stopped talking to him after he took Aaron and tried to baptize him. He walked back to his old tent on the outside of the camp passing many familiar faces on the way giving him questioning looks. He got to his tent and pulled the flap back, but someone was already in there.

It was Claire.

"Claire? How did you get here so fast?"

He felt for a moment a brief sense of hope. But it was short lived. He knew there must be a better explanation.

"You were walking pretty slowly. All I had to do was run here," Claire answered.

"Well I don't know why you bothered. You don't want me around any…"

But he never got to finish his sentence because Claire rushed over to him and kissed him, pulling away after a few seconds.

"I love you too Charlie…I'm sorry about the way I reacted. It wasn't your fault."

"So does this mean I can move back?"

"Absolutely." Claire went to the door and made sure the flap was closed all the way.

"But, first Mr. Pace, we have some business to attend to."

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Charlie had another clown dream that night.

This time the clown was on a boat a little bit from shore and kept calling his name. The boat started to move towards the beach.

Charlie didn't know whether to run or stay where he was. The boat could take him off the island, but that clown was looking pretty deadly. He decided to stay put.

The boat finally made it to the shore and the clown climbed down from it and started walking towards him.

"Hello Charlie. I am your guardian angel. I have a message for you. Go forth and make peanut butter. That is all."

"But…I can't make peanut butter. I haven't got any peanuts."

The clown reached into his pocket and placed two peanuts into Charlie's hand.

"There you go, my son."

The clown walked off into the jungle and disappeared.

Charlie felt someone shaking him and woke up.

"Charlie, are you all right? You were talking in your sleep," Claire said, looking concerned.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine…I just had the weirdest dream…do you want to make some peanut butter together? The Clown told me to."

Claire grinned.

"I'll go make sure the flaps are closed."


End file.
